How do I know if divorce is the next step in my marriage? When should I give up?
Posted: October 1, 2017
Dr. Brian Stress, Psy.D.
If you are in a relationship where you feel the relationship is slowly sucking the life out of you, you are not happy/miserable, you do not look forward to or even dred spending time with your partner or you find yourself thinking about divorce throughout most given days, you may want to consider divorce. It would also be appropriate to talk with one of our professional coaches about your thoughts and feelings. Talking with your partner may also clarify your feelings whereas this individual may also be experiencing similar thoughts. Generally, when two people are in a healthy relationship, the emotional, financial, physical, and sexual resources they commit to the relationship result in them receiving what they have put into the relationship and then some. A healthy relationship is like a savings account when you get more money back then what you put in.
Divorces are costly in many different areas. Yet, obtaining a divorce may be necessary for you and your ex to be happy the rest of your lives. If you are miserable in your relationship, there is a good chance that your partner is miserable as well.
However, one partner in a relationship may put more effort into the marriage than their partner. This is to be expected but should not be the everyday rule. When evaluating whether or not a relationship is satisfactory or beneficial, you must look at long-term consequences, both positive and negative, of choosing to be in that relationship.
I do not know any divorced individuals who did not initially second guess themselves if they initiate the divorce process. If you are thinking about divorce, there is probably something that needs to be addressed within your relationship. However, both parties have to be willing to work on the problem. If only one person thinks there is a problem in the relationship, the injured individual has to decide whether or not they are going to tolerate the relationship "as is" with the understanding nothing is going to change or to end the relationship.
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*Disclaimer: The materials provided in this article are for informational purposes only. Use of and access to this article or any of the links contained within the article or website do not create a relationship between the author and the user or browser. We are professionals that have been trained and have experience in assisting individuals going through a divorce. We are not lawyers and do not provide legal advice.
How do I know if divorce is the next step in my marriage? When should I give up?
Posted: October 1, 2017
Nicole Myers, MS, LPC
If you are asking yourself these questions, you are in a very uncomfortable position. Something is not working for you to feel your marriage is no longer a positive part of your life. You might also be having difficulty believing your marriage could be healthy, again. Marriages take work from both partners in order to last in any healthy way. When one or both partners lose that focus, it can be very difficult to find the value in the marriage.
It is important to consider what is happening in the marriage as you consider divorce. Sometimes a person might be unhappy with a transient issue in the marriage and sometimes there are issues that remain unresolved over time and fester. Have things gotten so bad you have begun to wish the other person would die or disappear which would free you from this marriage? This is a clear indication that you are not working on the marriage at this time; you have emotionally distanced yourself from your spouse.
Before asking yourself why you should divorce, first ask yourself what used to work in the marriage and why you should stay now. You might ask yourself to write out a list of the things you valued and enjoyed about your spouse when you were first married. Then, consider whether you can still enjoy these things about your spouse. Have you, or your spouse, changed so much that you no longer value the things that brought you together in the first place? Does it seem like those things never existed? Or, have you and your spouse simply not spent enough time celebrating each other and focusing on the marriage?
*Disclaimer: The materials provided in this article are for informational purposes only. Use of and access to this article or any of the links contained within the article or website do not create a relationship between the author and the user or browser. We are professionals that have been trained and have experience in assisting individuals going through a divorce. We are not lawyers and do not provide legal advice.
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