"He Said, She Said" Divorce Blog
with Dr. Stress and Therapist Nicole Myers

How long is an appropriate amount of time to wait to start dating after my partner and I split up?
Posted on November 25th by Nicole Myers, MS, LPC

Wouldn't it be great if someone could just give us a simple time schedule to follow? Unfortunately, and as you are probably already learning if you are asking this question, the answer is different for every individual; your timeline might not be the same as for others you know or even what others would like it to be. Fortunately, there are some clues to look for to help you decide when an appropriate time is to date for you.

Divorce is a huge, life-changing process. Don't rush. It requires an adjustment period in which some difficult emotional work is accomplished. Post-divorce grief and depression should be largely healed when you consider dating, grief and depression do not mix well with new relationships. It will be important…

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What is the Best Way to Communicate with my Significant Other During a Divorce?
Posted on October 7th by Dr. Brian Stress, Psy.D.

Communicating with a soon-to-be ex can be incredibly complicated and the difficulty level is generally related to the amount of conflict between you and your ex. The primary difficulty I see when working with individuals who are going through a divorce is one partner may be passively or openly attacking their soon-to-be ex because they feel they have been wronged. This generally results in the other each person attacking their soon to be ex over and over again. The constant exchanges of insults and inappropriate behaviors only escalates each person's wounds and generally results in your ex participating within behaviors to injure, anger or upset you.

The best way to…

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What’s the best way to communicate with my significant other during a divorce?
Posted on October 7th by Nicole Myers, MS, LPC

Going through a divorce likely means you really don't want to interact with your ex-spouse at all. Avoiding communication may feel like a positive choice as it may allow you to put off possible confrontations. However, there will inevitably be things to discuss with your ex-spouse such as your children's schedule, financial separation and even who gets the dog to name a few. Putting off these discussions won't make them go away; the need to figure these things out will, in fact, grow as the divorce progresses. Likely, you do not look forward to these discussions but do really need to manage these changes in order to go on with your life.

First of all, consider what's to be…

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How do my partner and I tell our children about the divorce?
Posted on October 6th by By Nicole Myers, MS, LPC

When you decide to divorce, it is a very emotional and difficult time for you. Unfortunately, it is just as emotional and difficult for your children: they did not make this decision and must deal with multiple upcoming changes in their lives from divorce. You love your children and want the best for them, especially in difficult times. Very likely your children know people and have friends whose parents are divorced; they have ideas about what divorce means. This will be a difficult discussion but an important one to begin setting a firm foundation for a positive future. Children can and do adjust to divorce, it is up to us as parents to pave the way for healthy adjustment.

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How do my partner and I tell our children about the divorce?
Posted on October 5th by Dr. Brian Stress, Psy.D.

I suspect that you are not going to surprise your children if you tell them you are getting a divorce. Children know that their parents are not happy because they witness their parents interact constantly. I have not worked with any children who were not able to identify that their parents were constantly arguing or angry at each other unless a child was nonverbal or had some sort of handicap. Children sense whether a relationship between two people is good or bad, sometimes much more effectively than the parents.

Talk to your children together, if possible, using language they understand. Inform the children that mom and dad are not happy in their marriage and have…

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What could I have done to save my marriage?
Posted on October 2nd by Nicole Myers, MS, LPC

This is a very difficult topic. Chances are if you are thinking this, you are feeling a lot of regret and guilt over the loss of your marriage. You may have felt you were doing everything you could but still failed to keep the marriage alive. Of course, it is easy to look back and see things differently than we did in the moment. So, could you have done things differently that might have saved the marriage, probably. But, then again, maybe it still wouldn't have worked out. Can you do things differently in your next relationship? Absolutely! Rehashing the past for the sake of changing the past doesn't fix anything. Identifying what went wrong for the sake of making different choices in the future can be greatly…

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